It's hardly a unique situation. More and more people nowadays admit that they have a “work-husband” or “work-wife”. A work spouse is a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close platonic relationship. Do you have one? What are the advantages and pitfalls of having one.
They ate lunch together almost every day. They chatted long over professional and personal woes, almost always were at each other’s cubicles and almost finished each other’s sentences. Everybody thought they were a budding couple. But Suresh denies,” Surbhi was fun to hang out with, and sometimes she would do things that some might consider flirty, like throw paper balls at me, run her finger to mess up my hair, etc. Sometimes I'd sort of flirt back."
”But I have a girlfriend- my college sweetheart. “
So who’s Surbhi then?
Surbhi was more like his "work girlfriend" -- a coworker with whom one flirts platonically during office hours but without any romantic intentions.
Are we talking of ‘Work Spouse”- a term very popular in the west and slowly catching up in India. Yes we are.
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It's hardly a unique situation. More and more people nowadays admit that they have a “work-husband” or “work-wife”. A work spouse is a co-worker of the opposite sex with whom you have a close platonic relationship. In many ways, these relationships can mirror a real marriage. As with real spouses, work spouses turn to each other for mental and emotional support, perhaps share inside jokes or even bicker like married couples. But that's where the line is drawn.
Do you have a “work-spouse”
Here is a quick test to find out:
You can be bluntly honest with this person about his or her appearance, hygiene or hair (and vice versa).
He/She knows almost as much about your personal life as your best friend or real-life spouse does.
Does everyone in the office think you're having an affair?
Do you find yourself thinking: Thank God, it's Monday?
Does this person look like someone you'd date if you were free?
When something eventful happens at work, this co-worker is the first person you seek out for a debriefing.
At breakfast, lunch and coffee breaks, your closest co-worker knows what to order for you and how you like your coffee (and vice versa).
So, if you have got the answer for most of the questions as ‘yes’, then you have a work-spouse at your work place. You do not have to be very happy or be ashamed of having one.
Having a work spouse can give you an emotional connection without a professional nosedive.
Good for Work?
There are some cases where the motivation of flirting is sexually driven. But I think what a lot of people don't realize is that there are other reasons why people might be motivated to flirt, like developing a positive relationship with the person with compliments and touch. It's an esteem booster for both men and women to have a little flirtation in their day -- it makes them feel a little better, gives them a little more energy. Liking your co-workers might make you more excited about coming to work, too. You're happy to see them instead of, 'Ugh, I hate these people.'You have a friend who provides emotional support at work during challenging times. During times of stress at home or at work, you have a built-in support system.
Work spouses often complement each other in terms of skills, abilities and their approaches to work. The two of you can make a very productive team.
Having a trustworthy co-conspirator for those occasional workplace escapades (and juicy gossip) can be beneficial, and often acts as a way to release work-related stress.
The possible pitfalls of a work spouse may include:
Of course, there is always the risk that platonic work flirting may be asking for trouble.
Priyanka, 26 -- happily married for two years -- found an easy self-esteem boost in her work boyfriend's adulation. "He fawned over me, complimented me on my cutting wit, my sassy outfits and sizzling personality," she says, which left her "flustered and giggly schoolgirl-ish." Though her husband complimented her constantly, his words paled in comparison: "It's like how your mom always tells you you're beautiful. It's expected," she explains. "Getting the compliments from an outsider was refreshing."
Priyanka had no intention of starting an actual affair. But eventually the office flirting crossed a line, and she had to stop it. "Over the months, our banter had more of a sexual overtone, at times downright raunchy," Priyanka recalls. Moreover, she became obsessed with his affection, and jealous when he flirted with other female coworkers.
Priyanka, now tending to her young baby in Bangalore, acknowledges it wasn't her best decision. Was it emotional cheating? "Probably," she says. "When our conversations became so explicit I couldn't repeat them to my husband, I knew I had to cut it out," she says. "And I did ... though it wasn't until I quit working to become a stay-at-home mom and he started dating someone at work that the book finally closed on that chapter."
Moreover, the relationship between you and your "work-spouse" might be misinterpreted by other co-workers as a clique. If others feel excluded, it may be a catalyst for personal or professional disagreements.
Managing the work-spouse relationship
Here are some tips on how best to keep everyone, including your work spouse, happy on the job.
Keep the lines of communication open.
Make sure that other co-workers are not feeling shut out by the perception that you and your work spouse are an exclusive clique of two. If you are working on a project together that also involves the team, be sure to reach out to everyone for feedback and suggestions.
Avoid crossing boundaries.
It's great to have a support system and a confidante, but be sure to set boundaries for how much to share with your office mate. More importantly, honor those boundaries. As flirting can include physical contact, even though the intent is innocent, it is wise to keep in mind how such behavior might be misinterpreted by some people. If the relationship becomes antagonistic or is too close for comfort, let your work spouse know you need a little space.
Lighten the mood.
If your life at home and at work is filled with complications, bringing a co-worker into the middle of those issues may not be beneficial for you. You should aim to keep the mood light and happy with your work spouse. You'll look forward to enjoying gossip, taking breaks and being able to relax with a friend without any concerns or complications.